January 7, 2014

I Know it’s Alpha… It’s Still Crap.

DayZ Review

“I’m thirsty”

“I’m thirsty”

“I’m really thirsty”

“I have a funny taste in my mouth”

What you have read so far was the first ten minutes of my experience in the new Day Z standalone which is currently in Open Alpha for thirty bucks. Never mind the fact that you can still play DayZ for free on Arma 2 and Arma 3….and has more patches and updates…and more stable…and doesn’t spam you with “I have a funny taste in my mouth” every god damn minute…

But I digress….

DayZ standalone is something many gamers have been anticipating over for some time. It has many predicted release dates which were all ignored and pushed back because the lead developer liked to take months of vacation right before his own games deadline so he can climb mountains (….yes…he actually did this). He recently released it for open beta because apparently his email was filling up with emails that I can only imagine were  ranging from angry rants, to mild death threats. As he released it, he repeatedly said it wasn’t anywhere near finished, but since we have pressured him so much for its release, he has thrown it out early and its all our fault if its a buggy piece of shit and just straight poopy ka-ka.

The game itself is pretty much the same. It has the same engine as Arma 2, same map as Arma 2…hell its just the same thing all around with some minor tweaks here and there. So lets go over the positive stuff first so I can avoid sounding like a cranky hater just straight hating on this game. First off, melee weapons are plentiful in this game. Bats, crowbars, Axes, knives, and hell even a chainsaw I hear can all be used to fight off the zombie horde. Not bad considering its rare as fuck to find a gun now..let alone some ammo.  Its not all clumsy and shitty like it was in the original mod, where the only weapon you had was a wood cutters axe that you had to “RELOAD” to get it to work, then aim much like a shotgun. They have loose items now that have multiple uses. Lets say you find a bottle of water. Instead of drinking it in one go like in the mod, you have a percentage of how much is left, allowing you to take several shots from the bottle before its empty. Same with food, like cereal boxes and what not. The annoying thing though with this, is that you need a knife or a tool to open can food now. Both male and female characters can wear pretty much everything now, so you wont be shafted if you have tits this time around. You have attachments for weapons which is pretty sweet, so that adds a nice level of customization to everything. Last but not least, female zombies! Yes we all know its been an undead sausage fest out there, but no more! Now you can have your junk torn off by a red head and not feel weird about it!

Going to be doing a lot of head bashing in this game.
Going to be doing a lot of head bashing in this game.

Now for the bad….well…yea its an endless list to be honest. The random item spawn locations in houses and vehicles is annoying as hell, items often either not showing up at all or appearing in areas you cant actually get too. Your clothes and items have durability now which makes sense for helmets and armor pieces, but for things like Backpacks and what not..well lets put it this way. If a bandit shoots your ass, hes not going to get much loot since more than likely hes going to aim center mass and tag your back, which will tear up your backpack in one shit and destroy everything in it (unless they changed that with a recent patch by the time I post this). Backpacks seem to turn into dust by the slightest breeze…so cherish those packs. The constant spamming of messages like “I’m thirsty” even though you have chugged six bottles worth of water, drank from a stream, and had a twelve pack worth of soda. Even though loose items are a cool littler feature, you end up filling your inventory up with so much shit, that it just gets tedious as fuck to manage your inventory…which brings up another problem..your UI is non existant. I seriously sat there for five minutes trying to figure out how to bring up my inventory, or any indicator for anything. Usually you have a little icon showing how hungry or thirsty you are, or how much blood you have. Instead, you just get spammed with “I’m thirsty”…*eye twitches*

Maybe I'll Play Payday 2 Instead
Guess what the game is trying to say is…”You should turn this off and play Payday”

Over all I can’t really recommend this game. YES….I know its in Alpha…YES I know it will have updates…its still a piece of shit, and the people working on it had plenty of time to make this thing the sparkling gem it could have been. You are better off just playing the many versions of Day Z for free on Arma 2 or 3. Its more stable and hell…depending on what version you have, there is more to do and see. I’m so tired of sitting on Chernarus that my brain just shuts off when I see the map. When its finally finished (long time coming) i’m sure this game will be tits. Until then, i’m just going to say you should wait on this one and spend your money on something else.

DayZ A Hostage Situation
At least you can play out your BDSM home invasion fantasies now in a zombie outbreak scenario.

DayZ Review Score

Gameplay

Story

Graphics

Audio

3

"Bad"